A Conversing Trick

Recently I left a comment at Dan Waldschmidt’s site—www.danwaldschmidt.com; Dan is a colleague of mine in the STA Triberr group (see “The STA Triberr Group” posted September 9, 2011), and one of the most fascinating bloggers on the Internet.  The title of Dan’s excellent article was “Defending Your Way into Loserhood”; the basic theme was the self-defeating foolishness of defending yourself against unfair, outrageous attacks.  I hope you’ll take the time to read it in its entirety and all the comments, too.  I’m going to report just my two comments and Dan’s responses; this to show you a brilliant technique Dan used to get me to keep coming back for more interaction.  It’s a simple technique I think you’ll find highly beneficial.  Here are the four comments—my two and Dan’s two—in the order they were posted, edited only for spacing sake:

 

Robert Terson:

Actually, I don’t think responding to gratuitous cheap shots and focusing on your dream are mutually exclusive. Like all things, the BS should be measured carefully and so should the decision about whether or not to respond to it. A few weeks ago I had a Great Respected Guru throw a totally uncalled for cheap shot at yours truly; I felt strongly enough about it that I wrote a blog which I believe was useful to my audience–sort of an example of the old adage “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. I agree, though, with the important premise of this blog: nothing should get in the way of the dream, of continuing along the path of what makes you successful; nor do you have to defend yourself to anyone, explain yourself. You won’t change the minds of those who don’t like you, and those who do like you are going to keep supporting you despite what any idiot says.

 

Dan Waldschmidt:

Robert,

I suspect your self-awareness and experience is what made the difference (not to “blow smoke” at you).

You were able to control your emotions, put the experience in perspective, and rationally decide the best course to engagement. Right?

In re-reading your comment, I want to make a distinction. You used the word “RESPONDING”. Great choice of verbs. And I think it’s different than “DEFENDING”.

You are going to respond. That is inevitable. Hopefully your response is not to defend.

Dan

p.s. What do you think? Am I making too big a deal about nothing?

 

Robert Terson:

Yes, the analysis you provide in your first two paragraphs is 100% correct; and yes, “responding,” as opposed to “defending,” is an important distinction to make. Are you making too big a deal about nothing? Obviously not: we’re talking about it and I suspect a good many Out There are benefiting from the discussion. That’s what talented bloggers do: they make people think and better their lives in subtle but significant ways. I’m not blowing smoke at you either, Dan, but you do that as well as anyone; which is why I stop by, pay attention to what you have to say. So far… you’ve yet to disappoint.

 

Dan Waldschmidt:

Robert,

Thanks for the kind words.

I know I take a considerably different approach to business from others. To me is seems like the raw, gritty discussions are where things start to fall apart. Personal relationships are more likely to derail success than not have a college degree. Right?

Dan

p.s. Keep the wise feedback coming. 🙂

 

Take a close look at Dan’s “Right?” and “What do you think?  Am I making too big a deal about nothing?” in his first reply, which drew me in to making my second comment.  And then check out Dan’s “Right?” at the end of the second paragraph in his second reply, which, to say nothing of his p.s. and smile, drew me in to making a third comment, which he chose not to post.  I guess at that point he’d had enough of me and I can’t say as I blame him.

If you wish to do so, do you see how easy it is to keep someone interacting?  All you have to do is ask a question, even a one-word question like “Right?”  The next time you want to keep someone talking, keep Dan Waldschmidt’s technique in mind—it’ll serve you well.